The big problem with those who have significant hearing losses is developing a social lifestyle. It’s really a tough deal when you don’t have very good hearing. It’s very hard when going to a large, crowded, noisy event, or one that is being held in a darkened place, like a popular nightclub.
As we all know, humans like to be with others, and they do this mainly by using their hearing, to talk and communicate. To a lesser extent, people are becoming sociable also through social media. This is wonderful, for friends who live far away. It’s also a boon for those with hearing problems. But yet, we all want to be with others in person, in groups we can relate to, and identify with.
I went to a very large Deaf social event last Sunday. It was a place where just about everyone uses sign language to communicate. And they all were having a good time, including me, since I know ASL decently. It was helpful, too, because the place I was in had low lights and was somewhat noisy. It’s a brilliant way to communicate, if your speech or hearing isn’t good. It was great, because I was eating delicious food, dancing, and moving around to talk to various friends.
Quite often, oralists and those who lose their hearing later in life, might stick up their noses at those who sign. They most likely want to be in a group that shares their ideas, and espouse a more oral communication method. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Within the DHH spectrum, I have seen many, many subgroups of DHH people.
I’ve seen those with CIs stick together and talk, and then go back to the hearing world. I have seen people who sign exclusively and won’t deal with hearing people at all. There are even those who are deaf and don’t want a CI or a hearing aid, and don’t sign, and yet speak. There are those who have obtained CIs and want only to be with hearing people. Believe me, there are many specific DHH subgroups.
We all have a preference and right, to how we want to communicate. We also have the right to decide how to handle our hearing loss issues personally. And to decide which DHH groups to join, or not join.
For me, although I was raised oralist, and do sign, I prefer to communicate via written English. I live in the world of words more than speaking, or communicating to others in sign.
This is something that parents of DHH children might have difficulty understanding, why or how a DHH child finally selects a communication modality.
Although technically a parent of a DHH child has the right to decide how a child’s hearing loss will be treated, do not be surprised if the DHH child switches communication gears and group alliances later on.
It’s not a crime, or a sign that a parent of a DHH child made a mistake. Your DHH child may have discovered lipreading and hearing aids (ditto for CIs) aren’t the right communication modality for him. Signing may be easier and more helpful, and you should not deride your child for that.
Rather, be happy, if your child seems more content and sociable now than before, especially in signing. Accept what happened, even if you don’t understand your child completely. I have had hearing parents complain to me that their DHH child came back from school, and was signing exclusively, and they could no longer understand their child.
It’s similar to this: a hearing mother and father told me a story about their hearing son. Their son went to Germany, fell in love with the country, and suddenly decided to live there. He loves the social life, the people, their customs there. He now speaks German all the time. The parents are sad and disappointed.
I don’t think the parents of the gone-to-Germany son should be sad. Rather, I think they should celebrate the fact their son has found a group he finds comfortable and exciting to be in.
It’s the same with a DHH child. If the child comes home signing and seems content, be glad.
Success is when your DHH child is able to identify and be accepted within a DHH social group.
For this is something we all seek.
We all want to be part of specific groups, where everybody knows your name.
